August 7, 2015 - Alex
This Time Will Be Different
We’ve been here before. It all started a week, a month or a year ago. We said the same things to ourselves when we jump-started our diet back then.
I know more now than I knew then.
I learned a key piece of information since the last time.
I see what I did wrong there — I won’t do that next time.
It’ll be different this time.
Man, it’s an ugly cycle.
I’ve always said that confidence cannot be developed from a good attitude. Confidence is built through success. I learned this through dating. Every rejection eroded my confidence, and subsequent efforts seemed even more destined to fail. Dieting can feel like this. Every diet feels less and less likely to succeed because I’ve failed so many times before.
But here’s the part of the cycle that stings the most. You’ve reached that moment where you’re frustrated, tired, feeling fat, and you’re ready to take action and get healthy again. You have a game plan in your head, and you’re excited and ready to start the next chapter. But unfortunately, you have developed a history with your peer group, and the first mention of your new plans for a new you are met with the usual response: “Yeah, good luck with that. How’d it work out for you the past 20 times?” You’re mad, you’re sad and you feel unsupported. “Why can’t they just encourage me and keep their cynicism to themselves?”
Worse, many of these non-supporters are the same ones that have never battled weight problems, and tend to say things like:
“Just eat less. It’s simple.”
“It’s all about calories. Burn more than you eat.”
“Do everything in moderation.”
“Give up soda. The weight will fall off.”
“When you go to a restaurant, eat half, and take the other half home.”
A few points here. First, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say – most fat people KNOW how to lose weight. We just don’t do it! While these comments may have been offered to us with good intentions, they tend to evoke sadness and frustration instead. We are already depressed for our past failures, and now we feel “schooled” by people that don’t understand our struggles. The sadness intensifies when we announce our plans to succeed in hopes of receiving emotional support, but instead are the recipients of snarky or insensitive comments instead.
Most studies conclude that enlisting a support partner during your plans to get healthy will improve the odds of success. However, most of us ultimately reach the decision to “go it alone” after we’ve been dealt the condescending tone one too many times.
Lastly, a bit of advice for those of you who do not struggle with addictions or weight problems. When we tell you about our (latest) plans to lose weight, eat healthy and get in control, your response should be, “Great! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”